Is Secret Santa stressing you out? Here’s your holiday gift-exchange survival guide

The commencement of the holiday season often means the lengthening of to-do lists.

There are lights to hang, cards to mail, cookies to bake and, of course, gifts to buy. Gift exchanges, whether they’re among friends, family or co-workers, can be a fun way to get in the holiday spirit. But it can also be another stressor during a busy time of year.

Secret Santa exchanges — where participants are assigned a gift recipient and tasked with finding them a perfect present within a price limit — sometimes mean that those in friend groups are paired with “frenemies,” someone inevitably draws themselves, or colleagues who are virtually strangers are matched up.

Those possible pitfalls inspired Peter Imburg to create Elfster, a free online Secret Santa organizer, after he saw the time and effort it took to coordinate the logistics of a gift exchange with his family over 20 years ago.

More top-down organization, he says, helps things run more smoothly.

Say goodbye to picking names from a hat

Elfster, for instance, creates pairings, asks for wish lists, offers gift suggestions at different price points and sends reminders, among other features meant to make the organizational hurdles of a gift exchange less daunting.

“The organizer is like the hero. They make it all happen," Imburg said, adding that his site aims "to make it a lot easier for the organizer to do that with a minimal amount of effort.”

Reliable gift ideas

Cameron Rogers, a New Jersey-based social media content creator and podcast host on wellness and motherhood, understands the stress that gift exchanges can bring up.

“Having to give generic gifts to people I’m not necessarily close with is extremely difficult,” Rogers said. “I can pick a good gift for my husband or my kids or my mom, but for people who I don’t know the ins and outs of their lives, I think it’s hard to pick something that you know they’re actually going to enjoy.”

She recently shared a guide to Secret Santa gifts under $50 on her social media channels, emphasizing how challenging it can be to find something within a set price range that will be well-received.

Gifts with a specific purpose — kitchen gadgets, home items or winter gear — and gifts that have a personalized aspect like a monogram are good go-to options for anyone feeling lost after receiving their Secret Santa assignment, she said.

Imburg said the “gift gurus” at Elfster also have suggestions, especially for recipients who aren’t offering any clues as to what they’d like. In a similar vein as Rogers, the Elfster team offered ideas for some practical gifts, like water bottles, blankets and massage guns. Other no-nonsense home and kitchen items, like food storage containers, charging stations and more are featured on the site’s “Top Trending Gift Ideas for 2024” list.

Gift cards, although they are not particularly glamorous, are an essentially foolproof option, Rogers said, and they won’t leave your recipient wondering where they’ll find room on their shelf for another mug or book.

“I don’t want to give someone something solely to check a box,” Rogers said. “I want them to enjoy it, instead of being like, ‘What do I do with this now?’”

Embrace Secret Santa as a stress reliever, instead

Some gift-givers find that Secret Santa (and its many counterparts like White Elephant and Yankee Swap) actually cuts down on stress and spending, as it's often done in place of giving individual presents to each member of a group.

Nicole Troiano of Cranston, Rhode Island, finds them to be a fun way to handle holidays with large groups — even if co-workers may need to ask around to get specifics on their assigned person.

“It’s fun to do it that way and think about something that would be good for that person,” she said. “And then, when they open it, they’re like, ‘Oh my God!’”

By the weekend after Thanksgiving, Troiano had already purchased and wrapped her gift for the exchange she’s taking part in this year. After her swap, a lucky participant will be the new owner of a cutting board, two bottles of wine wearing bottle-size ugly sweaters, and gourmet chocolates.